There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
