he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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