did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
