if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
