you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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