I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
