I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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