Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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