Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
