This is not my ceiling
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
