I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
