Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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