i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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