you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
