Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
ok first of all what the fuck
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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