God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
