Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
