you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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