found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
