I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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