A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
