U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
