Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
