Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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