I murdered the dance floor call the cops
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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