Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
