I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
