So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
God, I missed his penis.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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