I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She tied me up with her honor cords...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
