i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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