I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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