Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
