dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
