why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
