make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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