i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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