Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
