After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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