you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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