Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He shit in the fireplace
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
