Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
