i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
