it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
