I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Damn victory sex feels great
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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