i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
