I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize