I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
