were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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