I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
