this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
