Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize