the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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