This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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