I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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