I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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