i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
