I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
