Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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