ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
