i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
