this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
