my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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