she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
