Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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