pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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