Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
