one two three fourrrrnication!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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