in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
two words...techno handjob
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
