i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
