Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
