it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
