Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
