he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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