I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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