Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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