The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
